One Year Later...

Tuesday was our one year mark since Kamdyn passed away and I really can't believe it has been a year. The week that she died seemed to last ten years, but the rest of the time has gone by kind of fast. I think that is partly because we have just been kind of in a fog, and partly because our lives have been so busy. I never imagined that we would be dealt with this kind of tragedy, but I know that there is something we must need to learn from it. It seems at times we aren't meant to have many kids. Our first pregnancy ended in miscarriage, I had an awful pregnancy/delivery with Easton, and then it took us over a year to get pregnant with Kamdyn. I know that Heavenly Father gives us trials based on what matters most to us, but sometimes I wish he didn't know how much being a mom means to me! A few months ago in sacrament meeting, our Bishop was talking about how he went to a Jazz game and the ref made a terrible call for the other team, then the Jazz got the ball and he made a terrible call on them to "make up " for the bad call he had done. He compared that to Heavenly Father. Sometimes Heavenly Father has to do things that seem unfair or make our lives seem impossible to keep going, but he will always give us make up calls. I definately have felt many blessings or make up calls this past year and know without a doubt that Heavenly Father knows what we need and will never leave us alone. Easton was confused why we were getting flowers and gifts on Tuesday so I explained to him that it had been a year since Kamdyn died and people knew we would be sad that day. He got a really confused look on his face and said, "Mom, we aren't sad. As soon as we die or when Jesus comes, we will be a family with Kamdyn again." I just can't believe how much a three year old can understand and comprehend and how simple his faith is. He is always praying for Kamdyn and this morning in his prayers he prayed that he could be a good big brother and Kamdyn could be a good big sister to Ken. He has the biggest heart and I am so grateful for his example. I am thankful for all the amazing people we have in our lives and for Zac and Easton, they have truly kept me going. I think we have all aged about twenty years this past year, but we are so blessed to know that we will be reunited and will have a chance to raise Kamdyn again one day. The gospel is the best thing anyone can have in their lives and I am so thankful that my parents and Zac's parents taught us what was truly important so that we were able to make it through this past year.